Who's Better?
by HawaiianCaffeine
Summary: Ino and Sakura butt heads again as one trys to out do the other with Naruto's 'great' idea. Sakura decides to come up with a list. -No pairings-just friendship, pure fun, and complete randomness-


**Who's Better?**

"Forehead."

"Ino-pig."

"_Forhead_."

"_Ino-pig_."

"FOREHEAD!"

"INO-PIG!"

_"FORHEAD!"_

**"P-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-G!**

**"F-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-H-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-D!"**

"GRR!"

Sakura and Ino both started scraping right there in the middle of the street. A random guy popped out of nowhere and started shouting, "FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT."

The two paused at their hair-pulling to glare at said man.

With a nervous laugh the guy skipped out.

Both girls stuck in a position to seriously injure the other, they glared with no other moves available.

"Pig."

"Forehead."

Glare.

Double glare.

Triple glare.

Quadr-

"Lets STOP! I am so tired of this, Ino-pig. Why can't you just come to the agreement that I am so much better than you, and Sasuke _so _liked me more."

Ino pulled hair.

"No! How about we stop and _you _tell _me _that _I'm _better than you and Sasuke so liked _me _more."

Sakura pulled hair back and glared some more.

"Sakura-chaaaaaan. Are you _done _yet? I'm _hungry _and the _ramen _is practically _calling _me."

Sakura huffed as she let go and untangled herself from the fight brawl that was at one point ensuing.

"No, Naruto. Not until this _Pig_, tells me how much more awesome that _I_ am than _her_." Sakura crossed her arms stubbornly.

Naruto pleaded with Ino with his eyes.

Ino huffed as she crossed her arms as well and sniffed while turning away.

"No _way_, Forehead. In. Your. Dreams. I'll only way it when I think you deserve it. And you don't."

Sakura growled as she tensed to launch herself at Ino once again. This all started because Ino had to make some more cracks about her forehead, and finally-she just had the last straw. She wanted respect, and she wanted it _now_. In fact, she wanted it _thirty seconds ago_.

Sakura rocked to the balls of her feet, getting ready to throw all of her weight at the other woman.

Naruto blanched. "Sasuke-teme isn't even here anymore (but he will be later if _I _have anything to say about it, that bastard), and your still fighting over him! Why don't you just-I don't know-hold a contest or something that will settle this once and for all!"

Naruto looked at them desperately, hoping to make it to his heavenly ramen before the ramen stand closed for the night. He flinched as he saw Sakura starting to roll up her sleeves.

Naruto held up his hands in self defense of the punch he knew would come.

…

…

…

No punch.

Naruto cracked one eye open from his defensive position to see that Sakura had paused and was slowly lowering her arms and unclenching her hand.

"That… actually doesn't sound like too bad of an idea, baka. In fact…"

Sakura turned to look at Ino.

Naruto waited a few minutes longer just to be sure that it wasn't a trick, before lowering his arms and resting his muscles.

"Well- What do you say, Pig? Woman enough to take me?"

Ino raised her arms to a fighting stance.

"Anytime, anywhere, Forehead girl."

Sakura glared.

"Fine-but what'll be the contest? We're both to chakra depleted from those last missions to do any real fighting…"

They both looked blankly as they stared at each other. Neither had any ideas.

Trying to hurry this up, Naruto started to look around the street they were on...

He saw a small book store.

"Hmm… hey, Sakura-chan. Why not a writing contest? You're both smart right? Whoever does the best, in the fastest time wins."

Sakura's mouth broke out in a grin.

"Why-that'd be perfect, Naruto. You get a free bowl of ramen for thanks!"

Naruto pumped his arms in the air.

"YES! BELIEVE IT!"

Naruto practically launched into the air and landed right on the seat at the ramen stand.

Sakura shook her head at her best friend's idiocy. She turned to Ino with a smirk.

"Ready, Pig?"

"I told you, anytime, Forehead."

They both nodded as they walked off. Sakura followed Naruto to have just ONE bowl of ramen and then go home (much to Naruto's displeasure).

* * *

Frustrated, Sakura growled as she plopped herself on her bed. There were just so many problems, and to many factors to come up with any good conclusion!

_Turn._

_Flip._

_Twist._

_Growl._

_Turn again._

There was no use! Hell, she couldn't even go to sleep and at least _put off _her problems! Ino was good at _everything _she did. Ever since she was little she still held that small insecurity that Ino was better than her and that everything _she _did herself, just wasn't. This was ridiculous! She could blow that _Pig _out of the water with her hands tied back!

_Arg_, but there was that annoying fact that Ino did everything fairly good.

GAH! She had to stop this nonsense! Now think… what can I write about…

Sigh. This was the hard part. They'd said that it was a writing contest. No one specified exactly what they could or had to do. There were just so many things! To many ideas and topics! Her head was going to explode!

Sakura sat up in bed with a SNAP! and switched on her lights. She would have to do something.

With a purpose, Sakura threw her covers off and started tossing her room for her one and only savior.

Yes! This was it! A paper and a short nubby pencil would be her savior!

Sakura wasn't exactly sure she was wanting to write about, but her mind kept going back to how naïve she use to be and how people had treated her as if she was an idiot, still a little kid with hopeless dreams! _That _was so _annoying_! She _did _understand and she _had _grown.

Maybe the best thing to do for this 'assignment' would be to assess her naivety and to write what she had learned. Maybe it would help! -For she knew how ignorant she had been, and how protected she had been. Well now, she'd been out in life for a while, was older, and it was time to make a list. A list for all the ignorant facts that she used to believe-to be put aside, for this list of more truthful facts.

Not the facts that mommy and daddy tell you, because they don't want to hurt your feelings or kill your dreams.

Not the facts that your friends tell you just because they have an overactive imagination, don't really know what they're talking about, and are just as ignorant as you are. Were.

No—none of that nonsense. Just the truth. –And—and maybe it would help some OTHER poor hapless girl who was as just as naïve as she use to be!

Sakura pressed her pencil to the paper to write the first line, the title.

_**The List for the Young and the Naïve**_

_**Fun Fact Number 1**__:_ There is no such thing as the great romantic love in the romance novels.

_You might argue, that yes, that romantic love seemed great and very passionate and believable. But it is also agreeable that all of that is crap. No man acts this way, nor ever will. _

_If one ever does, please do consider for the fact that this man is probably gay._

_**Fun Fact Number 2**__:_ Men are men and women are women.

_Do not confuse the two and expect for men to understand the simplest things that women _just seem to know_. _

_Likewise, men cannot assume that all women have common sense. That's just the way it is._

_**Fun Fact Number 3**__:_ Equality among genders is crap.

_As I have said before, men are men and women are women. It is a fact that men are born to be built stronger. _

_Women are built stronger for different aspects (such as birth). Otherwise-men are just easily stronger than us. __It's a pain, but don't go for that feminist crap they feed you. Not every woman is capable of fighting a man. _

_Not that this is not possible-there are cases where a women can compete with the opposite sex. __The difference is we actually have to work hard to do it. Do not assume that this strength will just be handed to you. For women, competing with opposite sex is a hard earned privilege, not a right. _

_As much as that sucks._

_**Fun Fact Number 4**__: _Men play games just as much as women.

_Go ahead and deny it all you want, the facts are the facts._ _Not all men do not have the balls to come out and say when they like someone, just as much as women. _

_If you are a woman, do not wait for him to get off his butt and ask because it most likely won't happen. __Men may say that they are upfront and blunt about their feelings, but they LIE. Fact is, they would LIKE to be upfront and blunt about their emotions and thoughts, but they aren't._

_Men tip toe around the truth and tend to avoid and or push feelings away. _

_If they happen finally get over it, whatever may be the case, they tend to play games in order to find out what they want to know about you or how to obtain you. _

_**Fun Fact Number 5**__: _Men are clueless idiots.

_If you like them, you've got to spell it out, with big bold letters, and then proceed to staple it on their forehead twenty times just to make sure they get it. _

_The longer you wait to tell them, the more that it'll seem to them that you're uninterested. Hinata is a good example._

_**Fun Fact Number 6**__:_ Men must grow a brain and use it occasionally in the relationship.

_A man has to understand that he MUST do a few things for the women that she did not think up and tell directly to himself. _

_If he cannot do small, sweet (even if dumb) acts, then forget about him-or you might end up with two ex's and ten children. _

_Fact-women like to be reassured that they aren't the only one working in the relationship. _

_But remember... effort is effort, __**no matter**__ the __**product**__. _Effort _is all that counts._

_**Fun Fact Number 7**__: _If you're looking for an easy love, don't go for the emotionless idiots.

_The world is overflowing with these men. _

_Do not think that anyone you meet like this is one of a kind. _

_Just remember that they are not called emotionless idiots for nothing. If you want easy love, get a dog._

_**Fun Fact Number 8**__:_ Don't date hot-almost feminine guys

_These men look in the mirror to long to see anyone else but themselves. _

_They are not real men. They'd probably, jump, turn, and run at the drop of a hat, or the brake of a nail._

_**Fun Fact Number 9**__:_ There is only one thing that is ever going on in the mind of a male. Sex.

_It doesn't take a genius to figure this one out, if you don't already know it. _

_Eating, sleeping, talking, BREATHING, this is all they think about—the only exception is the emotionless idiots, but even then, that probably won't last long. Every guy wants it._

_Their façade may seem innocent and normal, but don't let it fool you. _

_Men can be as innocent seeming as they want as they're looking down your shirt. _

_Take Kakashi for a good example._

_**Fun Fact Number 10**__:_ Cowards are cowards, and men are men.

_I don't care how handsome, hot, cute, sexy, likeable, sweet, or whatever the guy is—a coward is a coward and a man is a man. _

_If your man can't or won't fight to protect his loved ones, then he isn't a man. Protest it as much as you like, yell, scream, I don't care. _

_At some point, at some time, you'll need him and if he is unavailable to help, then you and your kids are screwed. There is no-'oh! I'm _sorry_, my _bad._' These sorts of men are not worth your time, patience, or breath. _

_Lee would be a bijillion times better than the hottest guy on the planet who can't handle a broken nail, none the less a crazy mugger and/or sociopath._

Sakura sighed as she narrowed her eyes and started glaring intently at the paper as she had a flashback of Sasuke leaving. She decided to make another fact.

_**Fun Fact Number 11:**_Men are stupid...

_...egotistical idiots, evil conniving, devils of Satan from the fires of hell-bastards, assholes, jackasses, spawns of Lucifer-_

At this point, Sakura had an all out war as she worked hard on coming up with more curse names. Soon she filled the bottom of the rest of the page. She was still on a roll though, and started writing in the margins, and rewriting quite a lot, the word, 'idiots' with little embellishments and lots of underlines and circles around it.

It finally got to the point where she was writing so hard and so fast that the pencil broke in half.

Sakura looked half angrily and half sadly at the fallen pencil, slightly disappointed that she could now not be able to continue her tirade.

Throwing the useless pencil on the floor, Sakura finally decided to observe her 'beautiful' work.

Sakura followed the words all the way down the page and stopped at a certain phrase.

"Well, maybe _that one was_ a little harsh…" Sakura muttered under her breath.

Sakura continued to read all of the scornful slanted and obviously angry handwriting.

"Ah-This was a waste of my time! Ino'll probably do better anyway. What's the point?" Sakura crumpled up the paper and threw it out the window for it to crash into some poor defenseless person.

She sat down on the couch, closing her eyes, with a sigh... because she knew that even though she was pissed at him for the moment (a really LONG moment), she'd take him back in a heartbeat. Less than that. After threatening his life if he should ever pull another stunt like leaving them again, of course.

"Ouch! Forehead! Is this yours?"

Sakura huffed as she stood straight and stomped across the room.

"Not anymore! You can have it!"

And with that she slammed the door, intent on "practicing" her "chakra control" on some poor defenseless trees. And what I really mean by that, is that she's going to release pent up anger at nature to make herself feel better.

* * *

Ino, depressed, walked down the rocky and narrow street. She had been trying ALL DAY to come up with something for the challenge. She thought she would do great on this! She had lots of ideas, and everything!

But—POOF!

It all went up in a puff of smoke. For some reason, she no longer had even the slightest clue about what she was going to do!

Then a thought hit her that made her stop in her tracks. What if Sakura _won_? What if Sakura really _was _better? Holy mushrooms…

**CRASH.**

Ino winced as a crumpled paper was speared into her head.

"Ouch! Forehead! Is this yours?"

Ino leaned over and picked up the abused sheet of paper.

"Not anymore! You can have it!" Ino heard Sakura respond.

Ino shrugged as her slight anger passed and curiosity took it's place.

Quickly, she uncrumpled the paper and tried to read what it said. At first she was assaulted by lots of letters and words written all over the place, seemingly out of order, and most were of the most faul nature.

Ino scanned down the page.

"I didn't know forehead knew _that _word…"

A second before trashing the already trashed paper, Ino noticed a sentence…

…then two…

…then three…

Hmm. I wonder…

Ino read its contents. A few minutes later, a large smile could be seen on the blonde woman.

"I wonder…"

With a smirk and determination, Ino set off on her self conceived mission.

* * *

Considerably more relaxed than earlier, Sakura ambled easily down the street, pass a few houses and book stores. So what, if Ino won? Who cares? Sakura could just beat her at something else! Even if not—then she'd sure as hell try! CHA!

Yes, so much calmer now…

**Crash.**

Sakura blinked as she stepped back to find that she had run into a sign that showed an interesting book on it.

Sakura read the title aloud, "_The List for the Young and Naïve_…? Say what?"

"Like it, Forehead? Got it published all on my own…"

Sakura blinked again as she turned around to see her arch-nemesis.

"Ino-pig? What did you…"

Ino's smile grew to a grin.

"Oh, me? Well, I just found this interesting piece of paper flying at my head-and-well, I thought it had some decent ideas. You DID say that you didn't want it and that I could have it. What's more is that it seemed like you were throwing it away anyways. Nothing wrong in taking someone's trash. One woman's trash, is another woman's treasure, right, Forehead?"

Sakura gritted her teeth.

"Yes, I agree with Beautiful, Ugly. This book does have some interesting ideas. Maybe you should read it and help you grow a few brain cells in the oversized forehead and underdeveloped body."

Sakura pivoted to see Sai at the stand, handing over some cash for a copy of the book.

"Sai!"

"Ne, Sakura-chan. No need to be angry! Just because Ino beat you and made an awesome book that will help me in understanding more about women and their minds!"

Sakura rolled up her sleeves as she turned to Naruto with a murderous look.

Naruto held up his hands in innocence as he backed away toward his one sanctuary-the Ramen Shop.

Now out of reach, Sakura turned to her next closest target that had started this mess. Ino.

With a smirk, Ino said, "So-Sakura. Going to finally state that I am _better_ and much more awesome than _you_, finally?"

Sakura growled.

Ino flashed a smile as she took off.

"**I-I-I-I-I-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-O-O-O-O-O-O-P-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-G!"**

And thus did Sakura set out on her journey of killing her old friend once again.

So, you ask, who's better?

I have no idea, but answer me this-

Do you think either would have even bothered if they didn't believe—didn't _know_ that the other was better than themselves?

Because that's just the kind of friends they were. The kind of friends a lot of people are.

* * *

_**Author's Note:**_

_Got to love technicalities._

_Disclaimer: I do not own any Naruto characters, nor do I claim responsibility for those who act on my ideas and opinions for the Fun Facts that Sakura created. They are ideas and possible opinions, so please do not take them too seriously, or sue for some ridiculous reason. I have a bag full of cookies and I know how to use them—DISTRACTION!_

_I edited this story some, to take out the swearing. Really, that was unnecessary. I wrote this a long time ago and looked back and thought, wow, I really WAS trying to hard. I actually don't care for some of what I put in this story now that I look back… but oh well. I guess it's all just a learning process._

_Anyways, I hope you enjoyed. This was just for pure humor, nothing more._

_Please read and review._

_Thank you_


End file.
